Force of Will

If you are reading my blog because of alters I post here I'd like to link you to http://stsungalters.blogspot.com or my website at http://stsungalters.com. If I'll continue producing more alters than (written) posts I'll stop posting the alters here. They will be posted on my blog dedicated to alters.

Rant alert...

Since last month I decided to start altering more often and try to earn some money this way so I could at least pretend that I 'live' in this society. So far it hardly works but I have commissions and I like doing this even though I can hardly focus my eyes after doing one or two alters. (that means also playing less Magic, oh man alters are time consuming and I don't charge much...)

I find it stupid that there is simply no place for some people and no way for them to reasonable earn at least enough money to pay for the rent and food. I tried to be one with the society and follow everything but I simply can't and all the work experiences I had (except working for Tomas Klimes and Jan Horsky) show this. I do not share the values of nowadays society and I don't have what it takes to live here. I treasure truthfulness, honesty, respect and honor and that is something I hardly find among those people I see everyday. In this society of lies, ignorance, selfishness, pretence and prejudice I'm not really sure if I can go on.

Each month for a certain period I'm in a state of turmoil, anxiety and depression. It is difficult for me to do even what I like to do and trying to do something for money is even worse. Everything just reminds me how far I let this all go. My will is strong and deep inside me there is still something that makes me go on but for how long? Can I get back to 'living' a life?

This is an alter that I just gave up finishing. After spending ages figuring out how to alter Wasteland I did not want to go through that again with Force of Will. I'll probably try once again in the future and give it more time but today (yesterday) I don't feel up to it.